Is fear your enemy?

What is fear? What do you do when you feel fear? Is it too bad? Is fear your enemy? Or is it part of human nature?

All these questions pop up to my mind after listening to “Concrete Steps to Face Your Fears with Michelle Poler” podcast on The Science of Success. Michelle Poler started a 100-day project, which she should tackle one fear a day, recording herself and put it on YouTube. She started tackling small fear like eating an oyster, doing a Brazilian wax, driving at night, and so. After that, she decided to tackle big fear like skydiving, holding a tarantula, speaking in a TEDx, and so on.

But I just started wondering what’s to propose to deal with all of those fear? Just to show herself that she can? Is she addicted to this adrenaline?  There is no problem with that. This is cool if she had found her way and filled her life doing that. But my question is: what does it prove? For whom?

I believe there are two kinds of fear: one makes you move forward or backward, the other one is just human being nature.

How do you define fear?

What comes to your mind first when you ask yourself this question?

For me, fear is something that you feel in an uncertain situation. When something is not expected, and most of the time you feel that the result can be a disaster. Fear of the new. Fear whether the current situation can get worse or not after changing. Fear of the uncomfortable feeling of getting out of the comfort zone…

According to the Oxford dictionary, the definition of fear is:

1. the bad feeling that you have when you are in danger or when a particular thing frightens you

2. a feeling of concern about somebody’s safety or about something bad that might happen

Pros and Cons

The negative side, fear can prevent you from doing what you wish/dream, and don’t have the courage to do it. It stops you from exploring your life entirely from using all your potentiality. It can also prevent you to get a better life, at least a meaningful life. You don’t like your employment role, but you are still working on it because you think it’s hard on your age, or region, to get a new job. Or because you are afraid of what people will say that you exchange your stable life for something that you guess it is good for you. You are afraid of asking the divorce because then you can regard and blame yourself for your mistake. This way you live a half-life wondering how different your life would be if you choose X, Y, or Z.

The positive side, fear can alert you that something bad/unpleasant is likely to happen. It brings time to analyze the best way to get out of it.

According to Susan David in her book “Emotional Agility” common feelings experimented by humans are joy, anger, sadness, fear, surprise, contempt, and disgust. She states:

Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking.

So, sometimes you’re afraid of a new situation. This is a normal feeling. You want to travel alone, but don’t know what you can come across, it’s NORMAL. You want to ask for a promotion to your boss but don’t know whether he will agree or not, it’s NORMAL. You want to do your first exchange language program but no one can accompany you, and you are afraid of going alone, it’s NORMAL. All of these examples are normal feelings of fear. It, in turn, can prevent you from progress, to take a step forward.

But fear of handing a tarantula, skydiving, dancing with a snake, racing a motorbike, walking wearing a bikini on the street… If you feel fear but it’s your dream so overcome your fear and do it. But if it’s just to show yourself or others that you are brave, it’s not enough a good reason, in my view.

I’m not a fan of radical sports/activities, anything that can hurt me or cause pain, such as zip lines, climbing wall, wakeboard, kayak, and stand up paddle. So, I don’t take none of these activities, even though people saying “it’s safe”, “come on, don’t be afraid”.

I believe that fear should be overcome when it will improve your life when it’s aligned with your values. What’s the difference in someone’s life to walk wearing a bikini dance without a reasonable reason on the street? What’s the difference in someone’s life to skydive if this is not a wish, just to show that you’re boldness? This is no sense for me.

Now, tell me. What do you think about fear? Is it fully bad, or is there any advantage?